Years Missing - Song A Week Project

by Old And Gray

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about

I'm writing a song a week for all of 2014.
The entire thing is going function as one big continuous album. Each song is going to be a story, and each song will also continue the story that precedes it.

credits

released 01 January 2014

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Track Name: The Hardest Part
You seem fine with all those dead guys; it’s the living ones you have trouble with.

The hardest part of all of this is seeing my part in it. In looking back at the time I spent pushing the weight on you.

You seem fine with breaking patterns
You seem alright with changing history
It’s the scars that I grow that you have trouble with
It’s the lies that I’ve told that you have trouble with

The hardest questions to ask are the ones we choose not deal with, to hear, to feel.

You seem fine with squashing your feelings.
You seem all right with a thousand distractions.
It’s the feeling of loss, that you have trouble with.
It’s the cutting in two, that I can’t deal with.

The hardest questions to ask are the ones we choose not deal with, to hear, to feel.
Track Name: You're Just A Dead Soul
Hey kid, how you doing?
Me, I’m better than bundle of bees.
You see, I'm moving forward, with nowhere to go but back and forth.
I hate to blast, but can I crash at your pad for a day or two or three?
If not, that’s cool, but you better not say you saw me!


And hey, Old Man, shut up , you’re just a dead soul.
I know, cause I sold, every single part of me.
Now I’m you, and you’re me.
We both have a mind jump into
The waves, and the next chapter of this ride into the night.
Track Name: The Way We Are
I’ve lost the feel for this.
So I chew the scraps you left.

Who can explain the way we are?

My head wont reconnect,
So I choose to bury it.

Who can explain the way we are?

I’m lost inside my self
I best let go of all of it.
I made a choice that cut us both.
And became the one you hate the most.

I can’t explain my way.

I, I say things I don’t believe.
And I react in spite of me.

Who can explain the way we are?
Track Name: Entangled In The End
I found him curled up on the grass,
Tucked in to keep the outsides out.
Sharing his view to the air, and the breeze and passers by.
But no one would hear,
And no one would see
And no one would fill

Into the cusp, into the other side,
That’s not where I’m at at all
You think I’m stuck
Entangled in the end...
Only to spite myself.
I hear the call,
It goes the other way...
I'm not where I’m at at all.
It’s been a blast,
Engaging with your thoughts,
Only to spite myself.

I must admit I’ve had my doubts
That behind those walls, the souls are fine
Staying around to keep safe, and keep clear of the vampire eyes
He’s lost his mind.
He’s gone insane.
He’s going with pride.
Track Name: Borderline Personality Disorder
“Well it seems we're back again.
I wonder what there’s between us both.”

“I need to leave
My thoughts are not my own
Soon I’ll be so far gone
I wont remember me.”

“I know exactly what you mean.
My life is also spinning out of control.”

“I don’t know who you are
I wont pretend to care
You think you understand
Well I really hope you're wrong.”

“My guess is, there’s something inside there
That has a tight grip, wrapped around you.”

“My thoughts are not own.
I feel insanity
I take it out on myself
I fight with everything”
Track Name: Pray. Dream. Adjacent Rooms.
As I sit beneath the moon, I pray to catch a whisper. I dream it nestles gently in my ear, laced with the sweet tones of outer space and a dash of love. The faint sound of life passing by, rattles in the adjacent room and sends a blast of insincerity further into myself than I have ever known.

I caught a glimpse of what, of what I thought would come.
But that’s just not the game, it’s not the game you're playing.
Track Name: Tripping On Circular Thoughts
She who kisses and kills without thoughts;
Well she’s the one on that kisses and kills without thoughts.
While I'm the one who’s tripping on circular thoughts
And I'm the one who’s watching my love become lost.

I'm the artist, the crazy lover
I'm reaching out to all the wrong places.
I can’t explain it; I'm just about to take the short cut out of this place.

When I'm up above life, I feel it squeeze the shape away.
I'm above myself.
I'm seeing from above. I'm seeing lights.
Oh hell! I'm seeing seeing seeing seeing life from above.
I'm old now. and I’m seeing seeing seeing seeing life from above myself.
Track Name: I'm A Layer
I appreciate our talks
I find they’re clear; they have weight, and break the mirror.


We pull the dance out of our age,
And make our minds way more lucid.

I smell the air,
I breathe I’m alive.
I let the world into my skin.
I’m layer, am an action.

Sing out loud
Let them stare
Pull them in
Try to share
In this moment
Beaming
Out
Of
Feelings
Track Name: It Happens Right Before Our Eyes
If you're craving
Or with wanderlust,
(Though I’m sure it’s beyond us)

Cause the tiniest of change
And the pawns are among us.

Would it bring you back around?
If we swallowed
The hallow?

But if they send you
Or move you,
You’d feel closer to the rest of us.

If the world tries to keep you down
You run wild.


If you dare to
Come around with us
(Though I’m sure you're beyond us)

Could you turn it back around?
If we let go
And just let you.

It happens right before our eyes.
And we like it,
Cause we made it so.

It’s a half sin
And it’s parting smiles;
And it’s changing every inch of us.
Track Name: A Sixth Dimension Cuts
We bite
We move
We squeeze because
We’re born unto a road
We float around
And smile because
The road is strange some days

And here I am
And there’s the night
Its back again to say hello
It spins around
And tries to share
A hidden symphony

We bite
We move
We squeeze because
We’re born unto a road

Where a sixth dimension: cuts
And it stole my vision: once

And here I am
And there’s the night
Its back again to say hello
It spins around
And tries to share
A hidden symphony
Track Name: Language As Intamacy
Narrative environments, as a variety of learning environments and as a variety of performative environments, provide a means for understanding intercorporeal interaction.

In particular, they enable an understanding of the ways that such interaction grounds intersubjective relation and the bringing into communication, through intercorporeal-intersubjectivity, of the fantasmal, and the rationalised, dynamics of ego and alter ego (self and other).

These interactions, and psycho-soma-dynamics themselves, enable interpersonal constitution (the constitution of persons), while providing resources for learning practices and organisational practices, as well as the possibility of dis-organisation or dis-articulation.

They also provide the grounds for creative individuation, or non-coincidental intersubjectivity, the creation of a self as distinct, arising through socialisation. Becoming socialised is not (necessarily) a process of conforming.

Equally, intercorporeal interaction provides a means for understanding narrative environments, depending on which way your understanding is oriented.

The notion of narrative environment could be seen as a way of restoring the sense that, as Van Wolputte puts it, "a body-self ... originates in "outer" fields of meaning and extends in space and place, in material culture, in animals, and in the bodies of others", always remembering the non-originary or, rather, the performative status of origin.

One: Intercorporeal Interaction

The concept of the intercorporeal, in the senses of spacing, environing, contextualising, relating and embodying, is vital for establishing that intersubjectivity is a concrete relationship, not an abstract one, as Csordas argues. Intercorporeal intersubjectivity takes place in the material and the real, and not just the imaginary and the fantasmal, or indeed the rational.





Establishing that intersubjectivity is a concrete relationship enables the further argument that intersubjectivity is a primary achievement of isolated egos [or, rather, that the individuated ego is an achievement within the intercorporeal intersubjective, a triumph of figure/ground perception and distinction] and, therefore, that cultural phenomenology is not committed to a subjective idealism. Furthermore, in establishing that it is the body that understands the world, not the intellect, it also vital in grasping the relationship of self to world, the interpenetration of self in world and world in self, mediated by intercorporeal-intersubjectivity, and filtered by the self-conscious actions of person-hood. It is also crucial for understanding a particular concept of 'narrative environment'.
Retracing ground covered by Husserl and Merleau-Ponty, Csordas follows a path from interaction, as inherently meaningful, to intersubjectivity; and from intersubjectivity, as the co-presence of ego and alter/alter and ego to each other, to intercorporeality. His is to provide anthropological thinking with an alternative to subjectivity as the description of the individual cogito. Intercorporeality grounds intersubjectivity, enabling the alter egos to perceive one another through the incorporeal hinges in play: eyes meeting, lips kissing, hands shaking, bodies embracing, voices uttering and being heard in turn (language as intercourse as intercorporeal hinge, the carnalisation of language, language as a vocal intercorporeal encounter), environments being entered, objects framing intercorporeal space, objects facilitating (affording) extended intercorporeal-intersubjective, alter-ego interaction.

In order to achieve this progression, Csordas turns to Paul Ricoeur's essay on Hegel and Husserl. For Ricoeur, as Csordas explains, the critical principle in Husserl's theory of intersubjectivity that holds the place of the Hegelian concept of spirit or Geist, particularly that of objective spirit, is that of analogy, and specifically the analogy that the alter ego is an ego like me. Ricoeur argues that while being a subject for oneself is discontinuous with the lived experience of another person, nevertheless perceiving another person is radically different from perceiving a thing because it is characterised by a co-positioning, a relativisation, of two subjects simultaneously. This doubling of the subject, for Ricoeur, is the crucial point of the analogy. Thus, we are neither isolated cogitos that must bridge a gulf of solipsism (Cartesian and early Husserlian position) nor participants in the same shared subjective substance, objective spirit (Hegelian position). We are similar. All others are like me in the sense that all others are egos just as I am. Like me, they can impute their experience to themselves.

We are able, then, to intuit from others' actions and behaviours, through direct perception, the flow of interaction necessary to sustain the situation in play, to play it out according to the rules and to innovate in accordance with the parameters accepted, to acknowledge one another as embodied persons, on the one hand, with determinate roles, and as experiencing egos, on the other hand, who are like one another, in as far as they both relate to themselves and to each other through intersubjectivity and intercorporeality. They are not prior, but always already mediated: I am like you are like he is like she is like he is like you are like me.

For Ricoeur, the analogy of the ego (ego-alter) enables phenomenology to hold itself to the claim of postulating only the reciprocity of subjects, and never a spirit or some additional entity.

The entanglement of matter and meaning is expressed by Csordas in the following terms: "the filaments of intentionality that crisscross between and among us humans take sensuous form in language" . In other words, in this framework, language is intercorporeal, or rather linguistic-semiotic forms are intercorporeal, realised through intercorporeal interaction, which may or may not be recorded for subsequent re-use or for (cultural) posterity. The filaments of intentionality also take sensuous form through the designed environment, both object-frames and framing constructs. Language and environment, following Heidegger, can both disclose and obscure experience. th disclosing and obscuring are accessible to us in direct perception, because of our analogous being in relation to others: "your words are understandable and open to explication because you are like me, we are alter egos, we both apperceive and project simultaneously"

Being embodied is never a private affair, never simply an isolated interiority. It is always already mediated by some-body's interactions with other bodies, both human and non-human [and, indeed, other-than-human and more-than-human], making some-body who they are. In other words, as argued by Behnke, "my body is something I do" [emphasis in original] and "I do not do it alone". I do not perform my body alone, but do so within an encompassing inter-kinaesthetic field. This field includes not only the movements and micromovements of those around my body (me), but also the sedimented traces of such movements and micromovements in the architectures and the artefacts around my body. In this way, 'I' am entangled in a corporeal style that is not necessarily of my own making, even though I may perpetuate it through my own way of making a body, the way(s) in which I have learned to make a body, with varying degrees of consciousness or self-awareness of what it is that I do.

I perform my body, it is something that, continually or ongoingly, I make and do, but I do not do so alone: 'I' am part of an ensemble, an assembled performance or an actor-network entanglement, an interkinaesthetic field, a choreographed field, a styled or designed field, i.e. a performative-narrative environment, that permits the development of intersubjective and interpersonal interaction, and the positing of ego and alter ego in a mediated orientation, even if not quite a relationship: while the body is performed, or rather while intercorporeality is performed, intersubjectivity takes on narrative logical-dialogical forms, enabling the interpersonal possibilities that sustain and constrain the fantasmal conditions or speculative imaginings (scopic fantasies held in synaesthetic proprioceptive body schemas) whereby the ego is entangled with the world, whether in a 'healthy' form or a pathological one, whatever such terms might mean.

I inherit my body, as my body emerges from an inter-kinaesthetic field which includes its own pre-history as the product of a prior inception, as a gradually imposed or adopted set of learned dispositions and predispositions, a sedimentary assemblage, whose sediments may be reactivate, depending on their degree of accessibility to conscious rearticulation and depending on the vocative calling of the performative-narrative environments in which 'I' am engaged.

This is embodiment as intercorporeality, as discussed by Gail Weiss, for example, cited by Csordas. Csordas develops this position in the direction of intersubjectivity as intercorporeality. He argues that intersubjectivity as intercorporeality enables anthropological thinking to avoid taking intersubjectivity as an abstract relation between two abstract mental entities: it is a concrete relation, as already noted, realised through corporeal hinges. It also enables anthropological thinking to recognise that intersubjectivity is primary, as bodies are already situated in relation to one another, avoiding the need to begin, as did Husserl, from the Cartesian position of the primariness of isolated ego, from which the possibility and necessity of others is derived. Anthropological thinking is thereby distanced from subjective idealism that can be found in Husserlian phenomenology.

Through intercorporeal intersubjectivity, the ego is always already altered, and intersubjectivity takes the form a wordless intercorporeality, and this nonverbal is the other of language, the grounding by means of which the mimetic dimension of language is entangled with its semiotic aspect.

Two: Doubling of the subject

Perceiving an other body, an other's body, is both direct perception and indirect inference: one perceives a body; one perceives an other; one perceives an other through an other's body in the materiality of one's interaction with an other's body. Csordas says that "perceiving another person is radically different from perceiving a thing". This is to combine two perceptions: of the thing that a person's body constitutes; of the intersubjective space brought into existence by interaction with that thing, which overcomes its thingness through the particularity of the density and fluidity of its interaction style.

Perceiving an other person and perceiving a thing are not radically different, but differ in practice: one can de-humanise and de-animate an other, treating them as object, subjecting them to being-an-object, in the politics (intersubjective) and force (intercorporeal) of interaction. The process of intersubjective co-positioning takes place whether one is in the immediate presence of an other's body or in the presence of an object-environment that positions one, or immerses one, in intersubjective positionality. Environments and objects, object-environments, can intimidate. Environments act, they do not depend, we might say. How they act, however, may depend, we might joke.

The doubling of the subject in intersubjectivity, enabling the one-anothering of the self, in the momentum of its displacement, takes place in intercorporeal space realised through interaction, in part through bodies as things, but as animate things engaging in multi-sensory kinaesthesia, replayed in imaginary and real proprioception. If the body were not also 'object', intersubjectivity would take place in a vacuum and would produce a vacuum. As it is, as Csordas argues, intersubjectivity is a concrete relationship, not an abstract one.

We are always already an other, that is what constitutes 'us', ourselves, as a self, and that dynamic of self-othering is grounded in intersubjectivity through intercorporeality in nonverbal interaction.

Three: Elements of Embodied Subjectivity

As Dolezal explains, In Book Two of Ideas pertaining to a pure phenomenology and to a phenomenological philosophy Husserl explores how the body is that which constitutes the psycho-physical subject. The body is not simply a material thing, but is a living-lived phenomenon. Husserl creates a schema in which there are four main elements of embodied subjectivity or, as we should now say, embodied intersubjectivity.

First, the living body is sensitive. The body, while a perceived thing in one perceptual frame, just another thing, becomes a some-body, not just a thing that matters, by incorporating and synthesising sensations into flows of experience, which become the basis for syn-aesthesia and kin-aesthesia. The body localises and synthesises sensation and forms experience, around which a self is elaborated.

Second, The living body is performative. It is expressive and mobile. Consciousness takes the form of 'I can do' [I can; I do; I can and I do perform acts]. Consciousness does not take the form 'I think that'. Consciousness is not first and foremost propositional. The self, in this approach, is not modelled on a Cartesian-Lockeian model, i.e. not a Rationalist-Empiricist model. Knowledge is not taken to be solely representational. To represent is one of the acts that I can perform.

Third, the living-lived body is the zero-point [Nullpunkt] through which all spatial orientations are understood.

Thus, as we are arguing that the ego can relate to an alter, through the material interactions of intersubjectivity and intercorporeality, the zero-point effectively becomes a starting point (an entrance, a beginning, a promise, an invitation or a commitment) to begin a dialogue or multilogue with other zero-points to create the multiple horizons of intersubjectivity from which consensual grounds can be fashioned. Nevertheless, despite this crucial difference, it remains valid to say, as Dolezal does, that (to begin with) the body is the centre of the realm of possibility and experience and that 'I' do not have the possibility of distancing my self from my body or my body from my self, except, one might add, in cases of attempted dissociation often characterised as forms of 'disturbance', in Fuchs's term.

Fourth, the body is the organ of perception, necessarily involved in all acts of perception. The body makes all experience of the world possible and manifest, from a position of engagement. The body is a living and expressive organism, a psycho-physical subject (intercorporeal-intersubjective-interegoic-interpersonal-dialogical), that cannot be reduced to a mere material thing, except, we would have to add, as noted already, under conditions of de-humanisation or de-animation, where the subject becomes thing, subject to abuse and torture and murder; and under conditions of dissociation, where the denial of intercorporeality is endeavoured.

Four: Body as medium

Merleau-Ponty (2002) develops his thinking, in Phenomenology of Perception, on the basis of Husserl's insights, Dolezal continues, arguing that the body is the means by which we communicate with the world. The body is permanently engaged with its environment: "Human subjectivity is embedded in the world, with the body acting as its mediator" (Fuchs, 2005). As zero-point, or nullpunkt, this engagement is pre-reflective, and is from the perspective of the living-lived body. Spatiality, or rather intercorporeality, is constituted through the body's relationships with its environments. Again, while the zero-point may be the laying down of first coordinates, a process of anchoring subjectivity and living-lived body in one another, it opens out into ego-alter-ing coordination, a higher order intersubjective coordination.

in terms of the theory of entanglement, as articulated, for example, by Karen Barad, the human subject, is woven into the fabric of the world through intercorporeal-intersubjective engagement: body and world are in an inextricable entanglement; to which we must add: in the midst of which is the self, inextricably entangled in the world (as a series of environments) and the body, as articulated sensations, apperceptions and perceptions, organised around fantasmal selves or egos. Neither body nor world can be said to precede one another in matters of perception and experience, i.e. in matters of the self, the knowing subject, the ego and the alter-ego.

This is the phenomenal body, the living-lived body, which engages intelligibly with the world, the intercorporeal domains with which it is inextricably entangled. The body understands its worlds without recourse to processing them symbolically or representationally, i.e. without recourse to explicit symbol, sign and image manipulation, to representational thinking.

The form of this intelligibility is intentionality, an intentionality that extends beyond the cognitive act and engages the consciousness of the living-lived body in its intercorporeal intersubjectivity, its disposition to the world in the world. The phenomenal body is directed towards the possibilities offered, or afforded, by the world, by its constituent environments. This is not a discrete interaction. It is an ongoing disposition towards the world, on the one hand, and towards the self, on the other hand, a prolonged negotiation of egoic and architected or designed environments, in which, in many instances, I always already know what I am doing and what to do next.

From this perspective, the problem of 'not knowing' is not so much one of 'not knowing that' (e.g. 'the sky is blue'), but one of 'not knowing what to do next' (in this situation), as a source of anxiety which spreads to other concerns for, for example, 'what is this situation?' and 'how is it that I do not know what to do next?', i.e. not so much an epistemological concern as a seeping or sapping ontological/agential one.

Five: Body Transparency

Having recognised 'the body', making its significance to understanding explicit, i.e. it is the body that understands the world, the body as a living medium of the subject's relation to the world, 'the body' then disappears, or rather, it becomes transparent. Its functioning becomes implicit, "a mediated immediacy", to use Plessner's phrase, as cited by Fuchs, integral to the integrated perceptual-kinetic intentional arcs by which we are directed towards the world. Thus, for Merleau-Ponty, successful motor-intentionality by the performing subject induces a certain bodily transparency. The body disappears into action. The body does not appear explicitly in the field of perception when it is intentionally directed towards the world. The body remains available, but is 'absent' perceptually. When events are ordered seamlessly, the body becomes a shadowy presence/absence.

Fuchs is interested in disturbances to the body's transparency, to its implicit functioning. In one set of directions, the body becomes opaque, becoming a material body, an object, an other, an obstacle against which the self, alienated from the body's implicit functioning, struggles. This is the case in severe depression, which may be described as a reification or corpse-ification of the living/lived body.

In another set of directions, the body becomes ethereal, detached from the mediating process that it usually embodies, resulting in a disembodied mind. This is often the case in schizophrenia.

Both directions instantiate the loss of the implicit or transparent structure of the body, representing different kinds of disturbance to embodied intersubjectivity and intercorporeality: towards corporality, or thingness, the 'dead' or inert body, in one direction; and towards in- or dis-corporeality, an ideal, ethereal body, in another direction. These may be seen as two forms of dis-engagement of or within the intercorporeal.

Six: Bodily Returns and Bodily Economies

Eva Wiseman informs us that, "The bikini body ... is like a normal body, but browner, thinner and smoother. It's a body worked on through spring to be exposed over summer..." This raises three important issues.

First, such a body is worked on; it is a product.

Second, such a body-product is created or made in order to be perceived. It is a product for perception; it is a visual product, an image. The way one feels about that body if it is one's own is through the feedback of interaction, of having been seen and responded to in a particular way (by particular audiences - men and women - i.e. by others). It is a product as (potential) percept, a body as intended to be seen in the imagination of the other against other images, concepts and archetypes of embodiedness, in relation to the perceiver's own body-image or body-schema (which plays strongly into their re-action or inter-action).

Third, as product-as-percept, such a body is, therefore, a designed, visual product, using the body as medium; it is a visual product which established a medium, at first intercorporeal (medium in-between bodies) but also intersubjective (in-between subjects). In short, design is not the medium, it is the 'end', so to speak, and the material, organic body becomes the medium for design; or, rather, design and body mediate one another, to form relationships that are both intercorporeal and intersubjective.

In this instance, design has several senses:
it is intentional (in that it has a conceptual component);
it is intended (in that it aims to achieve a purpose, it has a pragmatic component that is not simply functional, because it engages issues of status and intersubjective relatedness); and
it is designed in the material, formal aesthetic sense; as well as the sense of being-intended to achieve a particular goal or purpose.
Thus, design is intentional, intended and aesthetic. The alignment of these factors co-responds (but not as a simple correspondence) to the form and the function, as conventionally understood.

senses, especially when they are combined, "the bikini body" is a good example of what constitutes 'design' in the 21st century, although its prehistory goes back to the 1950s.

Here, we are talking about Brigitte Bardot in the 1956 film "...And God Created Woman". The reference cited by this title raises the broader sense of design, that relating to the design of the world, to the distinction between creationism (literal interpretation of the Bible) and evolutionism (the gradual (self-)emergence of the living from the non-living); and the separate 'argument from design' for the existence of God. It also gives rise to the argument about the possibility of creation ex nihilo, creation out of nothing; and creation as creative-destruction, creation from the existent that alters or destroys what formerly existed; creation as assemblage/collage.

All of this is the case even though such a body has a particular form and has a particular purpose which could be discussed in some kind of functionalist language. Here, form does not follow function; form follows the complex contours of desire, in its imaginary, conceptual and pragmatic forms, both one's own and those of others, entangled in a culture's intercorporeal regimes. Function does not pre-exist as some kind of fundamental orientation: form follows the cultural definition of what the function is collectively held to be. One should not get too caught up, even though, as already stated, one is entangled, in describing that form.

Furthermore, as Wiseman notes, "the commercialised freedom of the "bikini body" has become a gauge for women with which to measure their own insecurities". Thereby, such a body departs the realm of the imaginary and re-enters that of the rational, of measure and calculation, which, in turn, generates the necessary neurosis, the tensions between measures, by means of which we tailor or fashion our interactions. These are the imaginary identification/identity and intersubjective relations implications, the psychodynamic dimension from which we generate story-worlds.

The spatial practices implications of this intercorporeal hinge is that such a body requires a setting, a stage, on which to present itself in order to be seen fully, for its intention to be materialised, on the one hand, and realised, on the other hand: for example, the swimming pool and the beach with their respective platforms for display. Low, for example, suggests that, "[t]he beach ... seems an ideal place to study the reciprocal constitution of body and space."

This, in turn, requires certain geo-physical and/or climatic conditions: the warm beach with its warm sea; the outdoor, public swimming pool in the summer heat with its promenade and display options. These are the platforms, the world-stories, onto which the psychodynamic story-worlds are spun, and through whose successful or unsuccessful alliances continued patterns of responsiveness are determined.



In its particular forms, such as the bikini body, is a hinge, an interstitial 'object', but also, of course, an interstitial 'subject', providing access to the 'privacy' of the imaginary, a privacy which is, nonetheless, there for all to see, hiding in plain sight.
Track Name: Kisses To Kisses, Dust To Dust
I have something to learn here… something new and of a different color. In watching movements make their way from start to end (a clicking button, a painted lady). Kisses to kisses, dust to dust - Kisses to kisses, dust to dust.

A puzzle piece in my hand, I have been told that I am not alone in my body. I am occupied by another that I loves to ruin. Kisses to kisses, and dust to dust. Kisses to kisses and dust to dust; another soul eating sevens - Five times over and lost in heaven. Or have the years checked me into an empty room. Five times over in pretty dresses; five happy others making their way away. Breathing love into a dangerous poem. Every perfect mouth is full of perfect last words. I find this whole ordeal to be quite obscured.

Red lips. Itchy necks. Tanned dancing legs. Lying on couches. Look at the time go by. Bright screens. Eyebrows rising. Toes engaging - let us fix our posture and pet each other’s heads around in a circle.

Listening -
Till the sounds forget themselves, and end up reincarnate. I was something else once. I can’t remember what it all was. This world is a wonderful place. As it sleeps it explores what life on the surface of the sun would sound like. Where would the sounds go? Bracing themselves and trying to figure out where and when to laugh. How many moments will remain if all I do is subtract? How many people have I become? How can I remove my own history repeating? It’s a subconscious matter it’s out of my hands and in another realm – TURN ME BACK AROUND. Kisses to kisses and dust to dust. Kisses to kisses and dust to dust. Kisses to kisses and dust to dust. Kisses to kisses and dust to dust.

“Carbonated knowledge of the fecund one. An animal will chase itself cause that's the only way. Twisting through a telescope in a parking lot. Climbing up a women who is pulling on some rope.”
-Jarred Hodgdon.

“Doobie Doobie Doo”
-Arlene DeRose
Track Name: There's A Witch Inside
There’s an asshole drinking, he's about to see the way he was back then. And there’s a punch line coming but it never hits your ears even though it's crystal clear.

You can keep all my skin.

There’s a witch inside she's about to blow the roof off this entire secret.
And I feel the itch in every inch and its safe to say

You can keep all my skin.

And the noise I’m hearing it's about to disappear and I cant explain the way it goes to pieces once again. I’m forgetting everything.

You can keep all my skin.

This shit is overrated, it's about to cave in. I'm contemplating the way this life moves.
But I can’t explain to you if you'll never hear the truth.

You can keep all my skin.
Track Name: How Babies Are Made
Nuck Nucker

One night, I thought it would be perfect to show you how the ground is just another treasure we could unfold. And when your soft smile came down and gave me kisses
I made up my mind that I’d show you something
That could put all these brand new thoughts inside of your head…
And if it doesn't serve you well then I’ll make amends dear.

Humans inside of humans, put there by humans inside of humans put there by

His hands were like a thousand spirals digitalized. Your eyes they stuttered and they rolled back into your head. Time felt still while clouds came down and gave you kisses. Who's this trickster? Where does he think he's going? I don't like the way that I'm feeling deep inside. And then I find that something’s growing, but its not mine dear.
Track Name: In The Mist
Oh my who’s that
Sitting there so alone
Tangled up
In the mist
She’s the one I wanna put heart into

What’s your name?
I think that’s pretty tight.
I just wanna be with you tonight
You’re so sweet
I think I’ll take a bite
I just wanna dream with you tonight.


I saw you and I haven’t closed my eyes, since then
I know its real cause the thought of you is clear

I’m gonna go out on a limb
Once I have a perfect plan
I'm not wasting all my time
Cause you’re the best there ever was
Track Name: Betty Beyond
Speeding through dreams
Touching down with miles to go
Betty she’d sing
And laugh at all your fucking jokes
She’d wear your shirts
And turn around to smile aloud
She’d tap around the room
And whisper out a stream of birds

I don't mind speeding by

Some one who cared
Some one who was always there
Like a monk who caught on fire
And left a message in his ash
She moved beyond
The tunnel vision and the daze
So I could understand
And make the choice to lose my head

I don't mind speeding by
Track Name: Marvel In The Details
I’m stuck between you and something else
And I know but I just can’t help
I’m held beneath you, I just don’t care
I’ll grow then stand back and watch you melt.

Its so erratic but I'm not gonna let go
It might matter now, but in time we will see through the shadow thing
I’ll become the weight and throw me and you into the darkest parts of outer space
I know it’s hard, but now is not then, and now will never be again


They're great, but lets sit back and watch
I know they’ll take me by surprise
They're flakes but they have different eyes
They’re great… California in disguise

I wished them all away but I can see them coming back
I wish we didn't hate but things are done, the things we’ve done, the things undone
I hold the whole world in high esteem and marvel in the details
I laugh at everything when I least expect to feel the lightest kiss my eager soul.
Track Name: You See Me, I See You
It happened again just last night.
My eyes opened up to the deep of night.

You see me and I see you, but you’re not real but what is real

The taste of 4 am in the air; The sky was lit up by pattern of clouds that circled slowly to make a frame and in the center I saw spinning lines again.

You see me and I see you, but you’re not real but what is real

I’m waking up and seeing things again. They’re not there or maybe I'm not here. I keep them keep close to my chest and make their home in my head.

I try to focus on its shape but it slowly starts to fade away…

You see me and I see you, but you’re not real but what is real.
Track Name: I'm Beyond The Edge
I’m beyond the edge
But still I’m spreading out towards
The floating heads
That creep around for answers.
The priest is dead
But I hold his memory captive…
Till we appear again
And discard the dizzy dreamers.

Cracking out of shells, Then leaving till we’re gone.

I’m jumping off the edge
And landing on the back of culture.
I’m picking at its head
And pulling out some distant answers
To cure the thoughts we’ve had
That penetrates the younger monsters.
Predicaments aside,
We’ll slip it on and fix it up tight.

Cracking out of shells, Then leaving till we’re gone.
Track Name: Beneath This Veiling
What if every single night the ones we need completely changed?
What if every little spark is hiding grace? Cause this is boring.
What if every bit of every single piece - what if every bite we take is mean?
What if I don’t care to let them see me when I’m lying on on my back?
If every room that I walk in to, still reminds me the place I don’t want to know.
Spider webs wrap around my head but still they see the parts I don’t want to show.

Blankets yes it blankets well it blankets you too
Well it blankets yes it blankets yeah it blankets you too

What if every single fight we’ve lived and breathed would never sleep?
What if all we felt inside was tucked away - beneath this veiling?
What if I’m wrapped in myself again – what if this is true for everything?
What if I’ve show my soul and still it wont suffice cause you’re … FAKE

If every room that I walk in to, still reminds me the place I don’t want to know.
Spider webs wrap around my head but still they see the parts I don’t want to show

Blankets yes it blankets well it blankets you too
Well it blankets yes it blankets yeah it blankets you too
Track Name: Render Them Away
I like how it feels
On my dull skin
Under water
While the warmth flows

To find a way to disappear

Mix it around
Wash my thoughts away
As it happens
Circles in the air

This is my way to disappear

Turn the heat up
Fill the room with steam
Conversations
Lost inside my silent plan

To find a way to disappear

I like
To be
And I am
Soapy
And I render them away.
Track Name: Fugazme
Why did you move towards this head trip
And reminisce bitten off tongues?
A murder of punks – mashing about
Cautious but glued to that howling.

I hear and feel a sound (what is this born of)
The broken pieces of (this dream is becoming)
A band I used to breathe – calling out my (you can take this rhythm)
On a corner of a street – in Paris calling out my name (so we will never end)

This gift will make you change our mind
Once you wake up and really feel it

I still remember when you took a bow and left every single one of us note less.
Track Name: Diminishing Again
There, out in the distance
Someone looking all over
Straining their neck
Looking for an answer

All of a sudden
Pieces of a story
Fall in place
Engraved in a shadow

On the side of the road
The eyes of our family
A father of six, gone in a flash, staring at the stars till his eyes go dim

So we’re behind the wheel
And our history is something else now
On the side of road
I find it odd that I’m diminishing again

I can’t determine the day
Cause this night will never end
There’s a culture and a voice
Locked beneath a muzzle

Keeping secrets
Seeping regrets
Kicking their heads
Ditching there dead

Once again the end is in the place of the beginning
Track Name: The Dows
They’re not on the radio
I could never understand how that rings true
How can every single question get lost in the room
Cause they keep on getting better with each new song they bring into view

It matters not, the way they move the air
I sense they are precisely where they want to be
The Night Light is the switch that holds
A complicated answer to an Oakland dilemma

I’ve heard every single person round here state the interest they have in you
the alchemy on the walls
Lacing every drink in sight again
Turning bromance into kids
Dancing around in spite of it
Singing along without a hint
Bending the key and loving it

The tide was in but we just watched

They’re lost on the radio
I’ll remember everything after seven are spent
I'm hoping that they come for you
So we can dance around like it’s 96
I’d blast you on the radio, roll down the dows and crack the moon roof too
How can every single question get lost in the room
Cause they keep on getting nowhere with each new song they bring into view
Track Name: Escape From Reason
The only complication I see standing in this room is staring back at you. The only escape from reason is the one that I’m letting read me. Floating through the leaves the world concedes the way it can’t fathom the way to turn boys to men. This thought is full of nothing and the past is full of all the entropy that I see in your eyes.

I’m staring at your shadow from under the door - you’re knocking but you can’t come in…

Till you become
What we dreamed up
In those years that
Are now missing.

The breaks are squealing, escapes from reason; the road will lead you too. The only way to take a turn is take his turn then bite around the bush and get your fill. The other way that obvious is punch until the heads of all the friends around you hit the floor. Beg forgiveness of the stars above and hope they find you well. I take the tick that tocks the tempo to the time that tackles tepid ticklers down to the floor. My eyes are on the floor, your lips are on the floor cause everybody’s on the floor when we listened to the words they made.

I’m staring at your shadow from underneath the wooden door - you’re knocking but you can’t come in. I’m staring at your shadow from underneath the wooden door - you’re knocking but you can’t come in.
Track Name: The Best Day You've Ever Had
Do you ever think about the things you’ve done
Does it ever grip you and make you toss through night?

Do you notice once each day a sinking at your core
Does it black out all the rest and sink a little more?

Do you snap in and out or back and forth?
Does it help at all when you get to drink the past away?

Do the days repeat them selves like a half cocked time bomb
Counting down to lose ourselves to what we were.

Do the pills erase each feeling one by one?
Or does the madness of it all keep you entertained?

Have you turned towards another’s soul? To try to help you fill up your own? Has it finally worked out the way think it should?

Do you blast off to a year ago
Does the air running through your hair still linger there

Some how I'm still behind the wheel driving you around
Smiling hard and watching you have “the best day of your life”